We Can Beat This

29 April 2010: This week has been a blur. While I am greatly relieved to have finally made my decision the stress of waiting for the big day is unbelievable. And there are so many appointments and tests and papers to sign and arrangements to make! I've had multi-country trips that took less planning than one simple surgery!

There are moments and even hours when I am strong and confident. But there are many moments when emotions - fear, anger, uncertainty - rage in me like a flood rushing against an already over burdened dam gate. I am tired and embarrassed of all the tears and so I often find myself bite my lip or pinch myself hard to force my mind off thoughts that will start the tears flowing again. And because it seems that every little thought sets me off that is why my lower lip and arms are bruised and sore!

Peter and I talk every day via Skype, usually for hours. I know he feels guilty he cannot be here for me and while I miss his warm presence terribly, even from a distance I am reassured by his strength and confidence in me. There is no greater healing force than love.

Tomorrow is the big day.